Coming Out Of the Mystical Closet

I was thinking about how closely we identify with labels the other day. The people that know me, know me as a sister, wife, friend, corporate leader, home owner, dog and cat mom, UCLA grad, etc. But it’s in identifying so closely with these labels that we are placed in a box by others. We begin to identify with the box, so much so, that it becomes what defines us, more than the qualities that should matter, instead of loving, honest, kind, generous, smart. It’s also these boxes that keep us from sharing who we are fully, keeping parts of ourselves hidden from fear of judgement, rejection and criticism mostly. Especially for us Americans, the first questions we usually ask someone that we just met is “what do you do?”. 

I spent years building a corporate career and becoming really good at it. I ran global teams, transformed organizations, and helped companies scale at hyper growth rates. I worked with some of Silicon Valley’s top executives, including Elon Musk, and I made good money too. I have an impressive resume and get multiple emails and calls a week from companies that are looking for their next “Head of” or VP role, and yet I was still unhappy. And unfulfilled. It wasn’t just the 60-80 hours work weeks, that left me little to no time for my family, friends and things that I loved doing. It was that although I was really good at my job, I knew that I wasn’t pursuing my calling. And I had been hiding a huge part of myself from most people that knew me, or thought that they did. So I’m changing this by openly sharing the other part that I’ve kept hidden. 

I’m an intuitive (I don’t like the word psychic for the many connotations that it has) and a medium. I see or hear information and things that other people can’t, or don’t believe exist. 

When I was a child, way before caller ID existed, I would always know who was calling, almost before the phone even rang. When teachers would ask our class to guess what number they were thinking of, I was always the one who knew the answer, and I was never wrong. I would have dreams that literally foretold the future. I remember freaking my friends out when I would interrupt them mid sentence and tell them exactly what they were about to say because I had a dream about it. I would also hear voices that used to terrify me because I grew up in a religious home where I was taught that anything coming through from the unseen realms was either the devil or demons. So, for years, I “blocked out” that ability, and eventually forgot about it. I even started ignoring my “knowing” after I went to the horse races with my best friend and her dad. We had ventured off on our own and I “guessed” the winning horse 7 times in a row. She was so excited that she ran and told her dad that I knew which horse was going to win. He made a big bet on the number I gave him, but under pressure, and because I had to think about it, he lost his bet. I felt so awful, but I also made a promise to myself to keep my mouth shut. 

Years later, I took a community college class about Native American Way of Life that changed my life. I read the Carlos Castaneda books and learned about alternate realities and dimensions. And I also learned how to meditate and become self-aware. It was when I was deep in my meditation practice that my other gifts and my remembering came back. 

At this point, I had moved to UCLA but continued to meditate religiously. Meditation opened up a lot of doors for me, but it also happened in a quick way that was terrifying to me. I started to see people’s auras and beings that would show up as orbs of light. I would hear a voice call my name as I was a studying, but it always sounded like the creepy horror film whisper. Portals would open up, seemingly randomly. One time, while I was meditating, a force in the form of a gust of wind blew my windows open, and completed a counter-clockwise circle in my room, knocking down everything in it’s path.  Everything on my roomate’s desk was knocked over like dominoes, then it moved to our bunk beds and tossed up the covers, then to our dressers and knocked over every bottle, over to my desk and back out the window again.  If that wasn’t terrifying enough, plants started to violently shake when I would walk by. I didn’t understand what was happening or why, so I reached out to my teacher, who was the only person that I could talk to about this stuff. He said that they were just reacting to my energy because plants are energetically sensitive. To test this out, I would place my hands over a plant and it would start to vibrate. I tried showing my roommate this one day and she burst into tears and said to me “plants aren’t supposed to move this way!” and ran out of our room. She slept at her boyfriend’s for a week because she was so scared of me. When trees started to shake too I decided it was too scary. So I made the decision to stop meditating and to “turn it off” again. 

Years later, I started meeting people who are similar to me and who taught me how to energetically protect myself. I learned how to work with the different forces that were coming through, and to tell the difference. I picked up my meditation practice again and learned that I also have some healing abilities. Injured animals would start to show up when they needed help, and I would “work” on them and they would get better. Trees started communicating with me, sometimes through dreams. Animals also communicate with me, although it’s mostly been birds. My prophetic dreams came back and I became a Reiki master to learn how to add structure to what I was doing, all the while carrying on my corporate job, where I never talked about my other life for fear that people would think that I was crazy, but it would sometimes come out anyway. I went out with my Brazilian friend/coworker at the time and his husband to watch a Brazilian band perform. His husband was asking him what the name of his favorite song was, to which my friend replied “how does it go”? The husband couldn’t remember. About half way through our outing, the band started to play a new song and I turned to my friend’s husband and said “this is your song”. It took him a few seconds to listen to it and then he says “how did you know?!” To which I laughed and said that I can be psychic sometimes. 

I left my corporate job in August and am transitioning to doing healing work, full time if I can make it sustainable. In a session with a client, I’m able to communicate with the person’s guides, angels and ancestors. I can feel energy so I’m able to tell where the pain is in the body and where there is an imbalance, and then I usually have a team of light beings that show up to assist, including ascended masters and divinities. I also get information about the person and what they need while dreaming. This is my calling, and what an incredible journey it has been. Thank you for holding the space to allow me to share it.